We Blocked Online Porn and Gambling Sites at Home so Our Kids Can't Access Them

Here's why and how...

This is not a reaction to a problem, no one has a secret addiction over here (knock on wood) it’s a prevention, due to the realities of the internet with a heavy side of paranoia.

I truly didn’t predict I’d be this conservative as a parent, but all it takes is a few close-to-you horror stories to make you scramble to press the “protect” button. I heard a ‘friend of a friend cautionary tale’ involving a group of 10 year old boys gathered at a house with really solid parents nearby, giving them space to play (just like we do) and then the horror of finding they had stumbled upon hardcore porn and with no emotional tools on how to turn it off. They watched it for 2 hours, folks. No kid wants to be in position. And certainly no parent.

We are super open with our kids about anything they are ready to talk about, and we do it casually, early and often (not perfectly, but nothing is off the table). My hope is that we have been the primary source of mature information to our tweens and have tried hard to do it in an age appropriate way (remind me to tell you the one about me explaining what ’69-ing’ was when they asked).

So we aren’t prudes. But I’m terrified of early exposure to online porn and gambling, especially in boys, and really want to shield them from it for as long as possible. It’s the way that it’s made now, the addictive algorithms, gamification and the ease of it in their pocket where they can do it alone. It's a real recipe for disaster.

Our kids won’t have smartphones til 16 so this isn’t a reaction to a problem, its prevention and preparation.

We host a LOT of kids at our home and we give them free rein with a really hands off approach. But like Jonathan Haidt says, kids need more protection and supervision online, less supervision out in the real world (Read Anxious Generation or listen to one of the million podcasts he is on like Armchair Expert or Pivot - two of my favorites). He has made me believe that more of the dangers for kids and teens lie on the internet (both in addiction, bad mental health, self-harm and predators) and less out on the streets. So I feel like its my responsibility as such a neighborhood community hub for tweens to make sure that as they get older they don’t stumble upon something really inappropriate while I’m totally oblivious, cleaning the house and listening to an audio book.

It’s the ‘accessible anytime’ nature of video porn, not to mention the algorithms that keep you watching/playing (by yourself) for hours. It’s too easy to do it all day, alone. And at this age (puberty) your brain is wiring at hyper speeds, so it’s even more dangerous. Neural pathways are being formed and solidified, with the quick hits of dopamine from the reinforcement center of the brain making it worse and worse every time they do it. Don’t trust me, the research is clear and available.

So how’d I do it? How does one block porn and online gambling sites?

1. First off, Jonathan Haidt says the biggest line of defense is the connection between us and the kids - making sure that the lines of communication are open and comfortable. Trust has to be there.

2. Parental settings are important, but they seem to be easy get around (super easy set up though- do them now if you haven’t). We got that, but I wanted more.

So here’s what we did, which took 15 minutes….